My warranty has expired

When I hit my mid-30s, my life fell apart, at least my body did.

  • In May 2006, I had a pilonidal cyst removed from my lower crack, um, back.
  • In April, as some of you remember, I had an appendectomy.
  • On Monday, I had a ganglion cyst removed on the top of my foot.

The most recent escapade was a marvel of simplicity and efficiency. It took significantly longer to fill out the first-time patient paperwork than it took to apply local anesthetic and squeeze the mucus that had formed in a tight ball on top of my foot. It came out in a perfectly clear goop that sat triumphantly on top of the dermatologist’s index finger, like a transparent turd.

All this fun for an hour of my day and a $20 co-pay.



Filed under health, humor

5 responses to “My warranty has expired

  1. Hilariously described, but disgusting nonetheless. “A transparent turd” left such a disturbing image in my mind. lol. I’m glad it only set you back 20 bones.

  2. Guilty as charged. I have a wicked, vile sense of humor that I do my best to keep in check. Of course with some of the language that flies across some pulpits these days, I’m a fuddy duddy, by comparison.

  3. Not that we should go around comparing each other, mind you. ;]

  4. Denise

    i agree there is something about 30. i absolutely started falling apart at the seams once i hit 30. elbow, knees, heel, kidney, colon — you get the picture.

  5. Dianna

    This is your mother speaking: you coulda said, ” a crystal clear grape, oh no but not my mijo, aye, chavalos, I thought I raised you better! You are the journalist/writer, that’s why they pay you the big bucks. Nah, not really, I had to giggle.

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