An open letter to a thief

Dear Thief,

The chairs you stole from our front porch weren’t heirlooms. They were silly little canvas beach chairs purchased at Tarzhay for around $20 each. (see below)


We bought them because we attended a Latin jazz concert in July featuring Rebecca Mauleon at the Sacramento Zoo. It was a great concert. Have you heard her new album? Good stuff.

We sat under the oaks with like-minded jazz aficionados and nibbled on an assortment of goods from my favorite Italian deli: polenta, tamale pie, ribs. The beauty of purchasing food at a deli is the freedom to eat a random assortment of foods one wouldn’t otherwise pair together.

After the concert, the chairs sat in my trunk until we pulled them out for our church rummage sale. The younger children seemed to like them because they sat low to the ground and didn’t require much effort to enjoy.

After we moved in our house at the beginning of September, we decided it would be fun to put the chairs on our front porch. We won’t be able to afford the Adirondack chairs with comfy cushions until next season, so we decided to be bohemian and enjoy our home with what we had.

Until you came along. We didn’t notice they were gone until we came back from the park this afternoon. Did you take them when we were asleep last night? Or did you wait until we were at church this afternoon? Either way it was a lame thing to do. Did you really need chairs this badly? Now that autumn is here, the demand for patio furniture has dwindled. I’m sure you could pick up something — sorry, wrong word choice — at an end of season clearance sale.

I don’t really care that my chairs were stolen. I do care that my idyllic sense of community has been tarnished somewhat. I find myself looking over my shoulder. There are a number of homeless people who walk through our neighborhood and swipe cans from neighborhood recycling bins. Everyone looks the other way, we’re happy to help the less fortunate. Now I’ll be peeking through blinds to check on everyone that passes through.

So, could you give them back and restore my trust in humanity? Thanks.



Filed under home life, Stockton

4 responses to “An open letter to a thief

  1. And while they are at it, can they talk to the thief who stole the 20 boxes of donation items I had set out on my porch? I mean, ok, I know I was obviously getting rid of the stuff, but come on!

  2. Denise

    some people will take anything — just because it is there with no evidence of anyone watching the stuff.

  3. katemeister

    All right, all right — it was me. But you’ll have to come to Virginia to get them back.

  4. I loved this post. You turned a negative into a positive with this lovely piece.

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