Category Archives: doubt

And yet…

I still have doubt about whether I belong in Seminary. I wonder if my time, talents and money would be better suited at a graduate level creative writing program somewhere — not that I could find that around here.

Because I work full time, have an active life at church and enjoy sunlight, I have elected to attend school part time. But at my current pace, it will take a L-O-N-G time to complete my degree: five years on the low end, 7.5 years on the high end. This is after I’ve invested 1.5 years into the program. Even if I were a full-time student, it would take me about four years to complete the Master of Divinity program from start to finish.

I realize it’s about the journey, but when the journey is in a ’73 Ford Galaxie with vinyl seats, no air conditioning and a motor that tops out at 50 miles per hour, the quality of the journey is severely compromised.

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OK, so maybe God is listening

I struggle figuring out how and when God intervenes (or interferes) in humankind’s affairs. Anyone who doesn’t struggle with this is a big fat faker and is doing it wrong.

My weekend illustrates my point perfectly. We were headed to San Bernardino to celebrate my in-law’s 60th wedding anniversary. Somewhere along Highway 99 late Friday night, I lost my cell phone near Turlock. A man in Fresno calls my mother, who calls me Saturday afternoon to say that he found my phone and would like to return it to me. Continue reading

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And so it begins

I was one of about 30-plus guys who began the ordination process Thursday, at a district convention service with all the officialness, pomp and regalia one would expect.

I went into it with a little bit of trepidation. There remains something of a bohemian hedonist in me that shuns the notion of being a company man. And yet, when it was all over, it was a beautiful thing. God and I had a little conversation in which He, once again, reminded me of the big picture. I don’t know why God endures my selfish tirades and rants, but I’m glad he does.

Here’s a photo of the Missus and I after Thursday’s service, all aglow.

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¡Hijole! I’m getting fatter every year. Day of rest or not, I’m working out today.

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Sunday’s lesson: don’t underestimate God

I’ve written in the past about my tendency to be a skeptic. Sure, I believe in God, Satan, heaven, hell and the myriad cast of characters of which broader Christianity is comprised. It’s just that when it comes to believing the miraculous, I doubt.

I’ve been conditioned, or conditioned myself to believe that God is the Plan B if medical science doesn’t pan out. I’ve lowered my expectations to believe in salvation as more of an academic process, in which one accepts Christ’s plan for eternal life instead of a radical transformation through baptism and the infilling of the Holy Spirit. I’ve even doubted that anyone over the age of 60 could be persuaded by the drawing and wooing of the Holy Spirit to respond to the Gospel.

Please understand that I’m not giving a doctrinal position statement. Rather, I’m admitting my human frailty and carnality. I disagree with these feelings of doubt. It’s something God has been dealing with me about, and I’ve been slowly getting the message. Continue reading

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